I know I didn't give it my all
I know I could've done so much better
I do regret
but I know I can't do anything about what already happened

I moved into my 3rd home today :"DDD
first being the one in west island, second the library, and third my own little condo dtown :")

will update a longer post later (L)
but it was a tiring day, bringing stuff all the way up to the third floor
running back and forth from w.i. to here

and Im also leeching internet from a neighbor lul
I wont be gaming so plz forgive me dear neighbor ; u ; and thank you very much for not putting a password

okay end of little update, going back to reading my labs now
gnite ^_____^ 

• learn flower dance on piano
• cover never let me go on guitar
• finish driving lessons
• cook fettuccine 
• 5 water color paintings (4 down)
• draw lana
• draw leonardo
• bake sponge cake
• bike to the end of the island
• -5 livres
• read game of thrones 1 & 2 (3&4 will be for later cuz the books are so huge : _ ; )
• read hunger games
• read books by khaled hosseini 
• bike all the way to old port (from beaconsfield)
• clean 20 full rooms at hotel (must work............. must work........  must....)
• sleepover with cathsu&xinca
• watch fireworks
• finish got seasons 1,2 & 3 
• draw daenerys

Today has been one of those days that I spent at home with nothing much to do 

AAAAAAAAAH FEELS GOOD TO SLEEP 11 HOURS AND WAKE UP NATURALLY :D
let the 4days of organic chemistry begin

do you guys ever dream about going to a place that u visited in another dream which doesnt exist IRL?
and have links with your other dreams
its like a totally different world........ O:

I dreamed about going shopping in china... omg all the shoes and clothes and how unique every little shop is *___* (L)(L)(L)
but yeah, in my dream, I stepped into this shop that was constructed based on the same blue prints as another room in a library in another dream I had. Is that how u call it? like, its doors and floors and windows and everything were exactly in the same place. So then in my dream, I realized all these similarities and thought to myself that my dreams were actually premonitions because of all these similarities. But in fact, I was still dreaming.... OOOOOO:

I stumble across the most random things when I take breaks from studying...
from videos in the weird part of youtube
to random stuff saved in my computer
...

wae.

Its funny how you didnt get my joke
our inside joke.
Its funny how you took it the wrong way
and caused even more understanding

immature immature ...

ANYWAAAAAAAY
ONE WEEK AND I CAN GO ENJOY THE SUN
MEANWHILE... COLD AC FROM 10-10 ERDAY

gatta lose weight
umghumghumgh running erday.. this year I will... I will.. I will try

oh and that quote, I forgot where I got it from, but I still really like it
Look, a smile really suits you

TAECYEON UMPHHHH (L)

I also want someone to take care of me ^__^
to cook for me
to play in the snow with me ~~
to reenact scenes from romantic movies :DD

I also bought a new biking helmet the other day :DDD
gonna go bike a lot during summer and lose all that fat in ma legs aw yeh
be more optimistic and focus on improving youself yifang~~ GO~~~

After months of practice
hard work
and drama...
Im happy the show is finally over (:

It was fun tho, I'm glad I stayed
preparation for the show and after the performance were really fun :D
taking lots and lots of pictures









I think I have the bestest friends
thank you all so much for the support ; ___ ; that screaming omg... you guys don't know how happy and how much I smiled when I heard everything both on stage and while watching the perfomances on youtube
... even if I was in the back for all of my songs
you guise...

why apologize if you don't even mean anything you're saying?

let me rage more.

we had the meeting today to discuss about the reason why we're kicked out
apparently, it was none of the "commitment, intention, improvement" issues eduardo mentioned

seriously, all the reasons we were being kicked out for were complete bullcrap
I felt like she came out with anything as an excuse just to kick us out
no valid reasons...

saying something like oh I think you're not suited for the dance, therefore I'm kicking you out is complete bs
"oh you have the timing and all the moves right, but its just that it doesnt suit you... you didnt do anything wrong and you cant change anything, its basically just you thats the problem"
... is what she basically said to my face
edos like: "oh its not your fault"
........... WHAT THE CRAP??!?!?!?! why put me in this song if I'm apparently not suited for it in the first place? Why let me waste so much friggin time for practice if I was gonna get kicked out for such a stupid reason? This is the lamest. excuse. ever. to kick. someone. out.
It doesn't even have to do with the dance itself. And you're telling me this is nothing personal? HAH.

other reasons for the other were: lack of emotions when dancing, cuz yerong didnt feel that "feeling".... and she said some crap about "oh why are you so dependent on me to correct everything, even your emotion. emotion isnt something that can be taught" excuse me? you're the teacher. your job is to perfect everything emotions concluded. or at least... tell her to improve it...
another reason for someone else was: "when I teach you something, you always give me the bitch face. therefore I'm kicking you out" nothing personal eh? and she also said something about other people (her first year minions that she manipulated) coming to our practices and sensing cold stares from us, or some bullshit like that. First of all, even if we were to give her bitch stares, we would be intelligent enough to do it so that nobody else but her sees it. Secondly, other people in the dance didn't even notice those "bitch cold stares or whatever" she was talking about...and third, whos the one who gave me bitch glares when I tried to correct the timing...

and during the entire meeting, she was saying stuff about how she's hurt. and cried. but recovered the second after. ---> fake tears. faking. double faced bitch. FAKE FAKE FAKE.

and edourado is soooo whipped. can you be more biased than that? saying stuff like "oh im really good at dancing, so everything Im saying right now is true and right" .... wha? youre not even kicking us out because of the dancing part.

what pisses me off is how edouardo kept saying how yerong warned us that they were going to kick people out one month before. well.... yeah I thought it would be about the dancing, which we had no problem with. haha. and that she already started picking the people to replace us a month before. her friends. her minions.

and apparently she did tell someone that the reason for kicking me and yub out was personal. I swear, this girl has issues. Are your self confidence that low that obliges you to attack everyone who's better than you? Do you crave attention that much to do all this? Do you hate us that much? Trying to kick the people she saw as potential threats out of the dance backfired... as the whole dance itself is now cut.

I wonder what she's going to tell to all her little minions...

I seriously hate people like her. I never did something to her, only maybe defy her whenever she tried to make herself feel superior than me, which she probably doesn't like. And then talkshit to other people about me. Making other people I don't even know hate me and talkshit about me.

Grow up girl. You're getting too old for this.

I'm a bit calmer now. less pissed. which is good, I can write better without swearing so much. I hope :)

after months of practicing, getting the timing right and the formations
after putting so much effort and time in going to practices
I thought I was doing well
I am doing well

evaluations were a few days ago
our dance was considered as in danger (probably because we weren't sync)
but we improved so much since the last evals.

then today, out of the blue, one of the execs posted this on our song page:
"Due to either lack of improvement, lack of commitment, or/and lack of intentions to make this dance the best it can be, which are things all the execs have been told about and also seen ourselves we are replacing: ___ ___ ___ ___"
one of them was me.
4/6 people that were going to be replaced. one month before the show. can this really be what I just read?
one of the 4 being replaced missed most of the practices due to other commitments, so it wouldnt be a surprise if she was cut
but the 3 others?
from what I know, improvement is not the problem. lack of commitment? I think I'm the one who missed the least practices. Actually, I think I went to all of them. Lack of intentions to make this dance the best it can be? Just earlier this day, I tried to correct a few details here and there in order for us to be more in sync  because the teacher doesn't seem to care... I mean, having a teacher who doesn't even have the timing right herself.... how can she possibly teach the rest of us? Correcting timing issues.... to make the dance better... was that a bad thing to do? It's not as if I told everyone in a bitchy "oh you don't even know how to do it" kind of way.... more like "let's correct this and this move to make it better for all of us..."
so why am I being replaced? I was so confused at first. Furthermore, the only 2 girls who were not being replaced missed sooooooooo. soooooooooooooooooo. many practices. As far as I know from the practice videos, my movements were sharper and better than at least one of them. So I really didn't get why I was one of the girls being cut. Actually, even the other girls being cut were committed members and did not. absolutely not. deserve to be cut and replaced. I mean, we still have a month to improve any imperfections right?

How upset I was. Already starting with 2 backup songs and now ending with only one. Was it still worth it then?  What was the point in continuing hallyu if I only had one backup song left. How was that fair? If they really thought I was not good enough, why even accept me in the first place?

But then I find out the "real" reason of why were being cut. Apparently, we're mad at Yerong because she was the one chosen to be the main person in the dance. Also, apparently, yerong cried cuz she thinks we all hate her/talk shit about her and she has to endure with while smiling. THE FUCK?????? LOOOL??? THE FUUUUCK???? Well, here I learn something new. I had no idea we hated her. Also, fucking execs, THANKS FOR CUTTING US AFTER HEARING ONE SIDE OF THE STORY AND NOT EVEN BOTHERING ASKING US ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED. cuz I still don't fucking know whats happening. Maybe were mad at her? Yeah maybe a little pissed at her. Not because she was the one chosen to be main and not us, oh plz aint nobody got time to hate on her for those reasons... but more because as a teacher, her role is to make sure the dance is going good and correct any details, bad timing, incorrect movements, but she's not doing it right. I kept asking her to perfect the movements before the evals, but no, formations were more important. Thus resulted in us looking really bad and not in sync.And it also pissed me off that she didn't bother learning the correct timing. Because as I teacher, her responsibility is to learn the dance well to be able to teach it to us. She was obviously not taking it seriously.

but seriously... crying to everyone and saying we hate her because she was chosen as the main. depicting us as jealous bitches. what the fuck? resulting in getting us kicked out of the dance? Seriously, we never talked shit behind her back for foul and mean motives to harm her, harass her or whatever she's calling it. Maybe we complained, but isn't that normal? Who wouldn't complain and rage.

crocodile tears girl.... crocodile tears...

well obviously all of us wanted to be main.... but it's not like as if we hate her because she was chosen... for me, I actually didn't really care. If I got main, oh well yay, if I didn't, oh well whatever there weren't really better songs in the second batch anyway.

but bref
what I don't get is the cause of all this
since when did we fucking bully/harass/verbally abuse yerong?
dafak?
I better get some good explanations.

so pissed because of all this drama.
I seriously can't take it anymore.
I can't stand all her fakeness.
pu. capable.
ay am nat capable anymoar.
but thats her tactic. and its working. befriending all the first years, crying crocodile tears in front of everyone. make us look like jealous bitches. getting us kicked out.
does this really make u feel better? do u really crave that much attention from everyone?

what happened to last year's hallyu?
when it was less biased, more fair.
less drama.
more fun.

and seriously to that exec who posted the message.
why are you so whipped.

were supposed to all talk about this tomorrow
all together
I wonder how that will go.......
ugh I hate drama

ugh yifang *slap slap*
you better not cry tomorrow
since u always get too emotional in these kinds of situations
when u have to defend yourself in a situation where youre being treated unfairly...
be stronger and defend yourself against that fat betch!!!
but wouldnt it be hard? when she has already manipulated that many people into her army

or seriously... if you cant take it anymore
why dont you just quit?quit and stop crying

On my way back home today, I met a creep drunk guy

I was taking the metro, and the wagon that stopped before me had a bunch of 20-25y-o men sitting
and they all looked pretty intimidating
but I was like meh whatever *steps in anyway*

I stood near the doors, and one of the guys approached me and said stuff like
"do u want to chill"
UH NO YOU CRAZY?
"oh are you going back home?"
"I think youre very cute"
and I was just like "uhh" *shakes head* "uh huh..."
then he was like "oh let me hear your voice"
.......
tried to ignore him ....
so scary.........
.........
.........
...........
and like.......
there was almost no one else in the wagon besides them......
.......
......
yeah, at LG I got off and walked super fast....

I need more sleep.
I keep oversleeping.
last friday, it was super duper freezing cold.
I woke up just in time to see the train leave beaconsfield OTL
and the other times I got off at Beaurepaire, I always walked home cuz I didnt see any bus stops... and walking took me approx 30mins... but I was like hell no Im not walking 30 minutes in this weather.. I would freeze to death before getting home. So I asked a random stranger if there were any buses . _ . and thankfully there was, a bus that stops coming at 6pm tho. Une chance it was earlier than 6pm =__=
but yeah, the bus stop was super well hidden... and it came late... and I waited 20minutes in the cold for it... OTL
must. stop. oversleeping.
must. go. to. sleep. earlier.

I overslept on the bus on my way back home.....
when I went to ask the driver where we were, she said that the next stop was the terminus...
so I had to take the bus back from the end of the island lololol
I've never overslept this much before...

I felt like puking at the smell of alcohol today... or even just thinking about alcohol
even yogurt soju
it's so gross
ugh
why

I think this winter break was one of the funnest ones...
from ski trip, to outings with friends, to parties, to hallyu practices

partied too much...
but I regret nothing

I think I abused my body this past week
not regretting anything tho :D

no monday it was NYE party/chris' surprise party
everything went well except for the fact that it wasnt reaallyyy a well kept secret lol
had fun
but clearly not fun enough cuz I had the brilliant idea to throw another party 2 days after harharhar






couldnt buy soju cuz SOMEONE was late
so we made yogurt vodka instead LOLOLOL ... it wasnt that bad
it got bad after someone poured more vodka in...
interesting night lol
*spares the details and pictures*



and the long awaited ski trip~~
I started with the hardest green trail without knowing
and fell when it was a super steep turn, but it was still super fun :D

then some ppl decided to take another way, which was also green but steeper I guess?
since it was my first day, I couldnt slow down very well, especially when its steep
so yeah, I froze, couldnt turn, and slammed into a tree hahaha
all my right side hurt sooooo badly and I couldnt move for a few minutes
I wanted to walk back down the pente ; __ ; but it was impossible in those ski shoes so I skied down... and was more careful after that aha
I was saying to myself push left, push right, push left all the way down to go slower, and managed to get down... and after eating I continued to ski lol
 anyway, I didnt feel like a tree should mempecher de have fun for the rest of my ski trip so I just ignored the pain and continued to have fun xD .... I pretty badly bruised tho. biggest bruise of my life.

slept late yesterday... well this morning...
woke up at 8 and took a shower... fell asleep in the shower....
decided to sleep a bit more after...

I hate physics.

Can you blame me for taking everything I hear with a pinch of salt?
.... not that I don't believe in everything he's saying
it's just that I'm so used to hearing this kind of drama-like stories...

Also, I dunno why
I'm feeling so possessive right now.
.....
I don't know what I want.

so much fun awaits me after 3 weeks...
cannot wait for these finals the be over
I have to ace all of them
have to
will
ace
them
all
so I wont feel guilty when having too much fun

so frustrated at the fact that I cry so easily whenever I'm really pissed and feeling that its unfair
its really not because I care or because I'm sad
..... Q_Q

Im never playing zombies again
ever
again
so many bad losers and bitchy people out there who don't play fair..... I've had enough of that
and the rules really need to be improved

ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
never realised how bitchy girls could be...................
and say stupid stuff that dont even make sense but you cant argue with them cuz they just come up with even more bullshit

ugh why am I so vulnerable and so easily bullied Q___Q.....

Welcome to [everlasting-kiss.blogspot.com]

turn back the time